My Two Cancerians: Gone but Never Forgotten- A Story of Respite and Reconnection A Year Later
- A. Mariah Caruthers
- Jul 3, 2024
- 3 min read
Leave it to Facebook to remind (and slightly trigger) us about memories from our pasts…
I wanted to begin blogging more consistently with another series I had worked on these last few weeks, but I find these next two days of my life and herstory more fitting.
Last year, I was so excited when I received the email from Amazon stating my journal self-help journal, “The Daily Self Check-In” (my second published piece) was completed and would be ready for print within five days. Determined to continue building my dreams, I began planning and creating my content.
July was always a special month for myself and the family. We didn’t REALLY celebrate Independence Day the way most Americans do—we always celebrated my Mama Ava’s birthday.
Around this time, it’s difficult since her ascension. She’s been gone for almost 13 years now, but I will ALWAYS find a way to commemorate her.
One unforgettable birthday almost 20 years ago now, my cousin was pregnant and began going into premature labor that late afternoon. On July 5, 2004, my little cousin, Noni Amira Battiste-Kosoko, was born. I remember my mom falling in love with her birthday baby IMMEDIATELY!
When she finally came home, I held her little, petite frame in my hands (literally) while her machines hummed and beeped; I was scared thinking I would drop her!
Our indigo child’s love of music, dance, and poetry continuously entertained and amazed us. Her resilience despite life’s challenges and the trauma our family has endured has always inspired me (tears are in my eyes as I’m writing this).
Noni stood beside my husband and me at our wedding five years ago, and it seems like it was just yesterday…
Most of us imagine that we have all the time in the world.
I thought I had more time to get myself together so that one day I could help her achieve her aspirations.
On July 11, 2023, I received a call that devastated me beyond my core. Noni had passed away at 19 years old while incarcerated at the Fulton County Sheriff’s Office. Never would I have ever imagined this happening to my blood, and I felt powerless and ashamed not knowing that she was there to begin with…
As you can imagine, I was nestled between grief and consideration for my little cousin, so I decided to halt the marketing efforts of my journal.
I always thought I’d see Noni on TV or social media for her undisputed talents and dedication to the arts, not her unanticipated passing. Her story reached national news and went viral in several social outlets. Each comment about the family’s lack of action cut even deeper. It pains me to know she struggled, imprisoned in both her mind and jail for 53 days.
A year later, it still breaks me knowing that I was working towards healing not only myself but healing others in our community (maybe one day in our family too). I wanted nothing more than to write and coach mental health, especially for the black community. Yet, I couldn’t help to save her…
I heard a man say recently that we mistakenly believe we’re supposed to be perfect within ourselves before we can even begin to make our mark on the world, but that isn’t true or realistic. Time is the most valuable currency we have, and we cannot squander it for anything.
I am a living, breathing, mistake-making creation from God, and I deserve to pursue the purpose I believe He intended for me. My mother and Noni both would want that for me.
So to my Cancerians,
You so selflessly gave your ALL to our family and to the neighborhoods you loved just by being. Your light kept a semblance of health and cohesion for us all despite us all falling short so many times.
I pray you help me understand that it is my right to live out my dreams, even if those around me don’t share my vision. I pray for healing, guidance, and grace for each one of us. Hold our ancestors tightly and shine your light on us!
It is an honor to wish you both a Happy Heavenly Birthday! You are missed and loved unconditionally! May you continuously watch and keep us all!
Please support my vision and career goals! I love writing, and I have an immense appreciation for the journey I took to become a life and health coach! I may not have it all figured out, but let's do this thing--together!
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